Comparisons are Odious

 

‘Look at him, he studied so hard and he’s always at the top of his class! Learn something from him!’

‘Look at him, see where he’s reached in just 10 years! He’s the CEO at a multinational company at the age of just 40! He should be an inspiration for you!’

‘Look at him, he’s middle-aged but so fit! So slim! So good-looking, always immaculately dressed! Everyone admires him! Maybe you should take some tips from him…’

‘Look at him, despite working in middle management jobs, he’s still managed to buy three big cars, three apartments in Gurgaon and a 4BHK flat in Bombay! He has investments in stocks and mutual funds and he bought a massive plot of land in Goa last year! You really should learn something from him!’

‘Look at him! He was so overweight but he’s managed to lose 20 kilos in just one year! If he can do it, why can’t you also lose some weight?!?!’

‘Look at him! He takes his entire family on a foreign vacation every year! He buys gold jewellery for his wife every year on her birthday! They go out for dinner at five-star hotel restaurants every weekend! Why can’t you also… …’

And so on. And on. And on. Here in India (and for all I know, maybe also elsewhere in the world), we love to compare. For example, we think we can ‘inspire’ our children to study harder and do better in class by comparing them with other children who are doing very well in school or in college. We think we can trot out examples of people who are doing very well in life and by doing so, inspire (or shame?) our children / brother / sister / spouse into working harder, earning more money, buying a bigger house or a bigger car, or otherwise upgrading their lifestyle.  

Does it ever work? If you ask me, the answer would be definitely not. Comparisons are odious. And more often than not, the only thing they ‘inspire’ in the person who is at the receiving end is, at best, indifference and contempt, and at worst, actual hate for the person they’re being compared to.

Drinking Man

Fifteen men on the dead man's chest
Yo-ho-ho, and a bottle of rum!
Drink and the devil had done for the rest
Yo-ho-ho, and a bottle of rum!

I probably read Robert Louis Stevenson's Treasure Island sometime in the early-1980s, approximately one hundred years after he wrote it. I must have been nine or ten years old at that time and the short poem above, which is from the book, made no sense to me back then. But it did seem quite catchy and has somehow remained in my memory over the decades that have passed since.

I quite used to like rum myself. Old Monk, with a bit of Coke mixed in, with lots of ice in it – I used to love that and, more often than not, I drank a quarter bottle of Old Monk once a week. Usually by myself, though sometimes I did have company. I used to look forward to that one day of the week – usually Saturday but it could be any other day also – when I’d wait until 7-7.30 pm and then open up my quarter of Old Monk, pour it out in a glass, add some chilled Coke (often placed in the freezer at least 30 minutes ago) and half a dozen cubes of ice. I’d put on some of my favourite music, often songs from Hindi films of the 1970s-80s or maybe some Jagjit Singh ghazals, and proceed to enjoy the next hour and a half.

What I’ve Learned

The inspiration for writing this came from Esquire – they have this ‘What I’ve Learned’ series where they get stars and celebrities – all people who’ve been very successful at something or the other – to share the pearls of wisdom that they’ve acquired over the years. Some of these are a bit fatuous but some others are very interesting indeed. After reading a collection of these pieces, I thought I should write one of these myself even though I’m not a star / celebrity and haven’t really been very successful at anything I’ve ever done. Be that as it may, I am now 53 years old, I like to think I’ve seen a bit of life and do have some thoughts to share.

Esquire, of course, won’t be asking me to be part of their ‘What I’ve Learned’ series anytime soon. Not in this lifetime. But luckily enough, I have this blog and here I can write whatever I want. And so here we are, here’s what I’ve learned.