Esquire, of course, won’t be asking me to be part of their ‘What I’ve Learned’ series anytime soon. Not in this lifetime. But luckily enough, I have this blog and here I can write whatever I want. And so here we are, here’s what I’ve learned.
Get a good education. Pay attention in class and put in the hard work. A good, solid education helps; it’s something you can fall back upon when a lot of other things fail. In school and in college, do the best you can. It matters.
Figure out what you are good at and then do that, and work hard at being the best at what you do. Don’t follow the herd. Don’t do something just because all your friends are doing it or because everyone is telling you to do it. Think for yourself, do your own thing. A fish can’t climb a tree but that doesn’t make it useless because it can cross an ocean. Find your ocean.
In order to earn a living, choose a profession that allows you to make good money. In the long run, having enough money – actually, much more than enough money – can be very useful. Money is a superpower. Having tons of money is better than having very little and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Forget all the bullshit about following your dreams. Follow the money. During the week, do something where you make a lot of money. Do it even if you don’t like it. Stick with it. Persevere. Then, on the weekend, chase your dreams all you want.
Once you start working, actively manage your money. Have a plan. It’s not enough to just save money, you must also invest and invest wisely. Go to a professional (a chartered accountant or an investment banker or a stock broker if you know one whom you can trust) and get his or her advice. Be disciplined when it comes to savings and investments. Learn the basics of investing, understand stocks and mutual funds, start investing as early as you can and let the money compound. Driving a smaller car and living in a smaller house is okay if that means you can invest larger sums of money. Compounding over long periods of time works like magic!
When the going is good, we believe the good times will never end. But they can and they do. For most of us, there inevitably are ups and downs. The not-so-good times don’t usually give advance notice, they can just land up one day. Life can be unpredictable. Anything can happen. It’s a rapidly changing, always evolving world. One day you’re indispensable. The next day, something/someone else comes along and you’re redundant. It can happen with shockingly alacrity and it can happen to the best of us. Be prepared, have a plan B in place before you need that plan.
When you’ve made some money, don’t ever talk about how much money you’ve made or how much money you have. Never show off, ever. Never, ever, talk about the expensive hotel rooms you stay in, the business class flights you book, the designer labels you buy, the expensive meals you have at exclusive, high-end restaurants. Your expensive cars, houses, clothes, shoes, watches, perfumes, gadgets – whatever it is you have, whatever it is you buy, nobody cares, nobody gives a f***. You talk about stuff, you try to impress people with how much money you have, everyone only thinks you’re a f***ing idiot. Enjoy the good life if you’ve earned one, just don’t talk about it, ever.
In difficult situations, be firm and be polite. Don’t shout, curse and swear if you can help it. Say what you have to say quietly, in a low voice, but be firm about what you say. Don’t be a door mat, don’t let people walk all over you. In the workplace, if someone says or does something that you believe is unacceptable, tell them as much – to their face – right away. Do it the first time itself, don’t wait for it to happen a second time. Learn to say no, learn to set boundaries. Never, ever, allow anyone to push you around.
Inevitably, in life, you’ll meet people who are bullies. In the workplace. On the playground. And elsewhere. Find the courage to stand up to bullies. Face them, confront them. Don’t run away from confrontations or you’ll never stop running. You don’t need to scream and shout – confront bullies with calm confidence. Control your breathing, look them in the eye and talk it through. Make it clear that you won’t be bullied. Never back down an inch.
If you’re in a position to help someone, do that but do it without expecting anything in return. If you do someone a favour, they may or may not choose to return that favour in the future. That’s alright. Also, never, ever, talk about how you helped others. Do it, just don’t talk about it.
If someone has helped you, express your gratitude freely and in abundance. And never forget the help you receive from others. Do talk about it when you can.
In the workplace and in all other spheres of life, avoid gossip like the plague. If you have something good to say about someone else, go ahead and say it in public. If you want to say something bad, something unpleasant about someone, say it to that person if you can but never to other people. If you go around badmouthing one in front of the other, you will only earn distrust all around. Also, inevitably, what you said about the first person to the second will somehow always get back to the first person, and you will have made an enemy for yourself. If you happen to be standing with a group of people who are gossiping about someone – a boss, a common friend, an office colleague, or anyone else – just remain silent. Even if asked for your opinion on the subject, remain silent, say nothing. Never get involved. Maybe even walk away from all such idle conversations.
Try and listen to your parents. They have your best interests at heart. Try and be a good son (or daughter, as the case may be). Your parents worked hard to give you an education and to give you whatever it was that you wanted when you were young. Often, they may have skipped their own needs and bought stuff that you wanted instead. They gave you love and care and time. They were patient with you. When it’s your turn, do the same for them. You’re not doing anyone any favours. It’s your duty. Do it.
Take good care of your wife. You married her and brought her to your house, it’s your duty and responsibility to look out for her, take care of her and see it to it that she’s happy and comfortable. Don’t be mean about the little things. Don't make her look or feel small in front of others. Let her have what she wants. Help her in any way you can, every day. Chip in with household chores. Go the extra mile for her. Lead by example – if others in the family see you treating her well, with love and respect, it might encourage them to do the same. If you have children, make sure you tell them – teach them – to always treat their mother with love and respect. Don’t ever allow them to scream or shout at, or be rude to, their mother. That’s a non-negotiable.
Sending your children to school and to college isn’t enough. You have the responsibility of preparing your children to be ready to deal with life, to deal with whatever it is that life might throw at them. You need to teach your children to have the courage to stand up for themselves, to stand up for what they believe is right. You have to teach them the right way to conduct themselves in life. In the workplace. On the playground. In relationships. In times of happiness and in times that are difficult. You have to teach them the importance of money and how to handle it. The hard work it takes to earn money and the importance of saving and investing from an early age. Being a parent isn’t the easiest thing in the world. If you choose to be a parent, then you must deal with bringing up your child the right way. Teaching your children to deal with life and to equip them with the skills that they will need to take life head on – that’s what you must do. And if you do it right, you can then step back, have faith in the way you brought up your children and let them find their own path in the world.
Take care of your own health. Remember, in the long run, you’re the only one who’s going to be there for you in times of trouble. And in difficult times, you’ll be able to do more – much, much more – if you’re fit and in good health. Indiscriminate eating and drinking will, sooner or later, land you in trouble. Obesity. High blood pressure. Diabetes. These conditions have the powerful potential to utterly, completely ruin your life. They can often reduce you to a semi-vegetative state, leaving you unable to do… well, pretty much anything. Let these things get the better of you and you’ll be left sitting on sidelines, watching life go by. Make sure you eat healthy. If you do choose to smoke and/or drink, do it with the understanding that these have the potential to cause irreparable, irreversible harm to your body. Get at least an hour of physical activity every day, even if it’s just walking. Also throwing in some resistance training will be even better. Taking care of your health should be very high on your list of priorities and it’s something only you can do.
It’s not necessary that you become the best of everything – the best son (or daughter), the best parent, the best sibling, the best spouse or the best whatever. But, yes, do try to do your best at whatever you do. Make an effort. Strive to do more, be more. Aim to make a meaningful contribution. If you know you did your best, and that you just couldn’t have done more, that’s enough. If people compare you to others who may have been better, more successful, ignore those comparisons – they do not matter. Also try to make sure you never make such comparisons yourself. Comparisons are odious. People hate being compared to other people and it anyway serves no purpose whatsoever.
Try to treat people well, always. Especially the ones who may be ‘below’ you in terms of social status, social standing, financial position and so on. Always be gentle and compassionate with those who’ve been less successful in life as compared to you. If you want to prove your manliness and by screaming and shouting at others and being an aggressive alpha male, do that with those who are ‘above’ you in terms of money and status. If you’re cowering and timid in the presence of the rich and powerful, and loud and bossy in front of those whom you know can’t retaliate or talk back, then you’re just weak and cowardly.
Once your children grow up and get married, encourage them to set up their own home. Yes, live separately from married children, not in the same house. In the long run, it’s just more peaceful for everyone that way. Living in very close proximity can often be difficult and may actually diminish the love and respect that everyone should have for each other, not build it up. It is perhaps an unfortunate fact of life but it’s true. Adult, married children should live separately, on their own. The size of the house is not the most important thing. The most important thing is peace and the independence to live life the way we want, and that goes for you and for your adult, married kids.
Don’t meddle in others’ lives, not even in your adult, married kids’ lives. You lived your life the way you wanted to, you do as you please. Let others do the same. In fact, it’s not even for you to ‘let’ them lead their lives the way they want. They can do it anyway, whether you like it or not, whether you approve of it or not. If you have some advice and/or suggestions, sure, give your advice and suggestions. Once. And then back off. You’ve done your thing, there’s nothing more you can do. If you have faith in the manner in which you’ve brought up your kids, then have the confidence in them to do the right thing. They will, perhaps, make some mistakes. Inevitably they will. And they will learn. Live and let live.
In the modern, fast-paced, ever-changing and unforgiving world that we live in, friendships can sometimes be transient. That’s okay, not everybody that comes into our lives stays with us forever. Things change, situations change, circumstances change. We change. Others change. People move on. That’s okay. Learn to live with it, don’t stress over it too much.
In the end, learn to relax. Calm down. Learn to deal with stress and don’t lose your mind over every little thing that goes wrong. Most things aren’t that important anyway. What looks like an absolute catastrophe today might only appear like a relatively small blip – a minor disruption – in the longer run. Don’t worry too much. Cherish and guard your peace of mind. Try and be fair in how you deal with people. Try and do the right thing. Inevitably, there will be some regrets but try to let go of those. Enjoy the small pleasures of life. Remember, this life is the only one you’re probably ever going to have. Make the best of it. Try not to let it go to waste.
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